Intimate Partner Violence: The ‘Omeke Ezugwu’ Challenge

   BY CHRIS AGBEDO (PhD)

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In a patriarchal society like Nigeria, where systemic inequalities and entrenched traditions often place women at the mercy of abusive spouses, the story of Omeke Ezugwu – the proverbial wife-beater – resonates as both a didactic tale and a metaphor for the trials women endure in their quest for dignity and survival. The recent cases of Chioma Nwana of Abagana, Anambra State, who was doused with fuel and set ablaze by her husband, and Chinonso Echege of Ibagwa-Ani Enugu State, whose arm was severed as her husband, Sunday Echege that attempted to behead her, amplify the urgency of addressing the Omeke Ezugwu challenge. These incidents, horrifying as they are, provide a chilling backdrop to reflect on the responses of Omeke’s four wives: Ayigwa, Iganyi, Ọwaa, and Ojoko. What lessons can we draw from their choices? And which path offers the most viable alternative for women trapped in similar predicaments?

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In many parts of Nigeria, gender-based violence is a persistent menace. A 32-year-old-man, Timileyin Ajayi, admitted to killing his girlfriend, Salome Adaidu, over alleged infidelity. On 2024 Christmas eve, Joshua Nwafor of Nsokkara Ebonyi State allegedly beat his wife, Charity, to death over a tuber of yam. Sunday Bakare, a man residing in the Ipaja area of Lagos, was arrested for allegedly beating his wife, Habibat, to death. In October 2024, a 6-month pregnant woman, Olajumoke Olaniyi was allegedly hacked to death by her husband, Motunrayo in Ikorodu Lagos. In Ondo State around March 2024, Fatai Abdullahi, stabbed his wife, Morenike Folayode, to death following an argument. In July 2024, Sa’adatu Ibrahim in Kano was brutally killed by her boyfriend, Abdullahi Idris and burnt to ashes. In February 2022, news of the barbaric rape and murder of 22-year-old fashion designer, Bamise Ayanwola, in a BRT Bus, Lagos State broke out.

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The harrowing stories of Salome, Chioma, Chinonso, Charity, Habibat, Olajumoke, Sa’adatu, and Bamise are not isolated incidents. The list is endless just as the grim statistics of femicide have been quite blood-chilling. A joint report by UN Women and the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime indicated that in 2023, an estimated 85,000 women and girls were intentionally killed worldwide and over 60 per cent of these victims (over 51,000) were murdered by intimate partners or family members. These numbers reflect the dire consequences of a misogynistic culture that tends to normalize male dominance and female subjugation. Often, women in abusive relationships face an agonizing dilemma: endure the abuse to preserve societal status and family unity or leave and face stigma, economic hardship, and potential harm. The Omeke Ezugwu challenge, while allegorical, encapsulates these dilemmas and the varying options open for navigating the intimate partner violence in a patriarchal society.

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In Ejuona community, as the allegory goes, there lived a man called Omeke Ezugwu. Ayigwa Onoja, the first wife walked away with her two children when she couldn’t stand the heat of Omeke’s wife battery mania anymore. Iganyi Itodo, the second wife was heavy with her first pregnancy, when Omeke’s madness struck. For a mere exchange of words that ensued after a mild disagreement, Omeke gave Iganyi a savage kick at her belly. She fell headlong and passed on. Not minding the brutal fate that befell Iganyi, Owaa Azẹgba accepted Omeke’s hand in marriage. After having two children, Omeke’s demon returned this time with intense ferocity. Owaa voted with her feet but Omeke’s fast-paced chase constricted the space between them by the seconds and her chances of escaping into her parent’s home diminished fast. Quickly, she veered left and dived into the sacred grooves of Lalawo, the community Deity to seek refuge and protection. Omeke instantly stood off in deference to the oracle and detoured. Owaa’s life was spared but later she was to discover to her utter consternation that the oracle had appropriated her as a wife. When prospective suitors came seeking her hand in marriage some years later, they learnt from Atama, the Chief Priest that Lalawo wouldn’t brook any challenger as a suitor to His well betrothed wife. And that was how Owaa unwittingly got entangled in a marriage of convenience with the gods.

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The fourth and final wife that broke the camel’s back was Ojoko Urama, who knew the stories of the ex-wives and yet agreed to marry Omeke Ezugwu. Armed with grit, tact, and resilience, (easily explained by her famous defiant resolve – ‘Wèé, àlé, o bee mu ne gu’ – ‘Surely, it is you and I in this marriage’), Ojoko took up the Omeke Ezugwu challenge. For eight solid years with 5 children to show for her tactical defiance, Ojoko pulled through the matrimonial turf. Omeke passed away while the triumphant Ojoko lived on to brace the tape of a nonagenarian. She won the matrimonial challenge through dint of ‘no retreat, no surrender’.

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In the annals of folklore, the story of Omeke Ezugwu has evolved into a didactic tale about the dynamics of domestic violence, resilience, and survival in a patriarchal society. Omeke, infamous for his volatile temper and wife battery, carved an unsettling legacy through his turbulent relationships with four successive wives. Each woman’s encounter with Omeke reflects a distinct approach to surviving or confronting the harsh realities of his abuse, offering allegorical insights into the broader challenges women face in similar patriarchal settings. Here, we are presented with four options – Ayigwa’s path of self-preservation, Iganyi’s silent endurance and tragic consequences, Owaa’s escape and consequential entrapment, and Ojoko’s defiance and its hidden costs.

Ayigwa, the first wife, walked away from Omeke with her two children. Her decision to prioritize safety and mental health over the societal pressure to endure is commendable. In real-life cases like the woman burned alive by her husband, Ayigwa’s choice underscores the importance of leaving before the situation escalates to fatal violence. Walking away is an act of courage and self-preservation, but it is not without its challenges. In a society that often blames women for failed marriages, Ayigwa’s path comes with significant social stigma. Additionally, the economic realities of single parenthood in a patriarchal society can be daunting. Women like Ayigwa must contend with limited access to resources, custody battles, and the scorn of a community that upholds patriarchal values. Yet, Ayigwa’s choice affirms the value of life over societal expectations. Her story reminds us that while walking away is difficult, it is often the most empowering option for women in abusive relationships.

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Iganyi’s story represents a heart-rending tale of silent endurance. Her fatal fate exemplifies the ultimate price of remaining in an abusive relationship. Similarly, the woman burned alive would have likely endured years of violence before her husband’s actions culminated in her gruesome death. While societal pressures to endure abuse for the sake of family honour are strong, Iganyi’s fate highlights the fatal consequences of such endurance. Her story serves as a wake-up call to communities and institutions to create safe spaces and support systems for women to escape abuse. Silent endurance is not a viable option; it perpetuates violence and places women’s lives in peril.

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Owaa’s flight into the sacred grove of Lalawo offers a metaphorical reflection on the act of seeking refuge. By turning to the oracle, Owaa escaped Omeke’s wrath and preserved her life. However, this refuge came at a cost: she lost her autonomy and was symbolically “married” to the deity. Her story mirrors the plight of women who flee abusive marriages only to find themselves entrapped in alternative systems of control, whether through institutional constraints, dependency on shelters, or societal structures that limit their freedom. For Chinonso Echege, who had her arm chopped off by her husband, the act of seeking refuge – whether through legal intervention, community support, or personal escape—might have prevented her from enduring such irreversible harm. However, Owaa’s story reminds us that refuge alone is insufficient if it does not restore autonomy and agency. True refuge must empower women to rebuild their lives on their own terms.

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Ojoko, Omeke’s fourth and final wife, embodies tactical defiance. Armed with her famous declaration, which the Gen Z would reframe as ‘No gree for anybody,’ Ojoko endured eight tumultuous years, bore five children, and outlived Omeke. Her victory is celebrated as a triumph of perseverance over adversity. Yet, her path raises critical questions about the toll of endurance.

While Ojoko’s resilience is admirable, it came at a cost to her physical and emotional well-being. Her story reflects the societal expectation that women must endure abuse to keep their families intact. Such narratives, while inspiring on the surface, risk perpetuating a culture that glorifies female suffering and resilience at the expense of systemic change. Ojoko’s triumph is bittersweet; it highlights the strength of women while underscoring the need to dismantle the structures that demand such strength in the first place.

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Of the four options, Ayigwa’s choice to walk away offers the most viable alternative for women in abusive relationships, particularly in the context of patriarchal societies like Nigeria. While her path is fraught with challenges, it prioritizes safety, autonomy, and the opportunity to rebuild a life free from violence. For the woman whose arm was severed, an earlier decision to leave might have saved her from life-altering harm. For the woman burned alive, walking away could have preserved her life and given her a chance to find peace and stability. Ayigwa’s story reinforces the importance of empowering women to leave abusive relationships before it is too late. However, advocating Ayigwa’s path requires addressing the systemic barriers that make walking away difficult. These include economic dependence, legal protection, communal support, safe spaces, among others.

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Many women remain in abusive marriages due to financial dependence on their partners. Providing economic empowerment programmes, job training, and access to resources can enable women to leave abusive relationships. Stronger laws against domestic violence, coupled with effective enforcement, can create a deterrent effect and provide women with legal avenues for protection. Changing societal attitudes toward divorce and single parenthood is essential. Communities must shift from stigmatizing women who leave abusive marriages to supporting and celebrating their courage. Establishing shelters and support networks for survivors of domestic violence can provide immediate refuge and long-term support for women seeking to rebuild their lives.

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The allegorical import of Omeke Ezugwu challenge is a microcosmic depiction of the broader societal issue of gender-based violence. It speaks to the heart of patriarchal violence and forces us to confront uncomfortable truths about the roles of culture, tradition, and systemic inequalities in perpetuating abuse. The allegorical characters – Ayigwa, Iganyi, Owaa, Ojoko – represent the spectrum of responses available to women in such situations, each with its own merits and pitfalls. Ultimately, the lesson of the Omeke challenge is clear: resilience and survival are admirable, but they should not be the only options available to women. Society must create conditions where women can live with dignity and safety, free from the threat of violence. By advocating systemic change and empowering women to walk away from abuse, we can break the cycle of violence and build a more equitable and compassionate society. In the end, the best response to the Omeke Ezugwu challenge is not just individual courage but collective action to dismantle the structures that sustain patriarchal oppression. Only then can we ensure that no woman has to endure what Ayigwa Onoja, Iganyi Itodo, Owaa Azegba, and Ojoko Urama, or the countless unnamed victims of domestic violence have endured.

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Although the Omeke Ezugwu allegory thrives in folkloric realms, it holds mirror to the realities of contemporary marital issues that call for a collective action. By examining the choices and consequences faced by IPV victims, we are reminded of the urgent need to create a society where women are no longer forced to navigate such perilous options. On the contrary, they deserve a world where their rights, dignity, and safety are unequivocally protected.

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AGBEDO Is a Professor of Linguistics, University of Nigeria, Nsukka and a Public Affairs Analyst.